I think I forgot to post that Jackson doctor (GI) doesn't think he's allergic to anything including Milk (according to his biopsy). Which would be great since he's been eating soy and rice milk, yogurt, and cheese. It doesn't explain why he pukes every time I give him cow's milk. So I'm supposed to try milk again. I'll let you all know how it goes. I'm a little scared.

I wasn't going to blog, but my mom convinced me that people love to hear my problems:) I feel like everyone might think I'm dwelling on the negative too much or make things sound like too big of a deal.

The kids all have a viral form of Bronchitis. They're having to do breathing treatments every 6 hours and Isaac has an ear infection also. Because Jackson just had surgery, they sent me to go get an X-ray of his lungs to make sure he didn't have pneumonia. Which thank goodness he doesn't. While we were doing the X-ray, they did a bone age scan of Jackson's hands. I've never heard of it before. It can tell you if your child is genetically small, or just small for his age and will just be short; or if there is something wrong and he's not growing like he should. (either because of growth hormone deficiency or malnutrition) Jackson's bones are 11 months old and they should be 21 months (he weighs 20 pounds and wears 12 month clothes which for some families is normal but not for ours). From what the doctor told me that's pretty severe. I made an appointment with a specialist for that and one for an immune specialist. Both are booked till the end of January and beginning of February. So it will be awhile before we really know whats going on. Hopefully before that, we'll be able to get him to eat more and gain weight. Maybe that will help. I don't know anything about bone age so I don't know if I should be worried or not. I'm just trying to get through having the kids home from school another whole week:) In someways its been really great to have them home since we didn't get to enjoy Thanksgiving week. They are sick though so we haven't been out except for the doctors appointment.

For those who would like to visit http://www.jacksonsmellon.blogspot.com/ I'm putting a lot of pictures from the hospital on that blog sometime today.

We're Home!

O.K. so everyone already knows we're home from the hospital, but I just had to share how very happy I am to be here. All the way home from the hospital I was so excited to get home. It was quit a different experience being at the hospital with out Jeremy this time. I don't know if I could have handled another night there. I think having my home teacher come up and hold the baby so I could call family and get something to eat saved me (and having a great book to read)(i think i lost 5 pounds while I was there, it's amazing how not eating does that) I think Jeremy told everyone that the baby wouldn't let me put him down for the first 24 hours. It was a little hard to go to the bathroom and get sleep that first day.

Now that we're home, I think my body and mind have check out for a while to deal with the stress of the last few weeks. I'm ready to go back to normal but my mind and body are still checked out (I can see it all over our cluttered house) It doesn't help that all the kids are sick, and it's freezing and raining outside. The baby started coughing the day before surgery and now has a temperature again. I'm going to see his doctor Monday or Wednesday.

In light of Thanksgiving and my gratitude post a few weeks ago, I'm going to share some of the things I'm grateful for.

I'm grateful for the experiences that the Lord gives me to see what I'm made of. A lot of those experiences tell on me and what I truly have a testimony of. I hope that makes sense. I think a lot of times we say we have a testimony or faith in certain principles, but until that principle has be tried we can't truly know for ourselves.

I'm grateful for a loving, helpful, faithful, passionate husband. I only knew my husband for 6 months before we got married. The Lord truly blessed me with a good one. I've heard too many sad story to not know how truly blessed I am to have Jeremy in my life.

I'm grateful for happy, beautiful, smart, healthy kids (and by healthy I mean it could always be worse than it is. I see a lot of different situations in my visits to the doctors and children's hospitals)

I'm grateful for family. I think one of the blessing that has come from all the many health problems on both sides of the family has been, more communication and connecting. Jeremy and I both come from amazing families. I couldn't have asked for better families.

I'm learning more and more about what it means to be grateful for trails. My sister is a great example of that. She blew my mind and my whole argument when she said she's grateful for the trials she's going through right now. She was the one reason I couldn't understand gratitude for trials in the first place. It's easier when you're the one going through the trail than when loved ones are going through them (in my experience anyways). Don't get me wrong I've always been able to see blessing all around me in the mist of hard times. Life is to wonderful to let one bad experience or trial sour your whole outlook on life. I can even see blessing that come from all trials, but I can't be grateful that Rochelle has breast cancer or for Jackson being born with coronal synostosis. But I guess those aren't my trials to begin with so I don't have to be grateful for them. I however still have side effect or my own effect that come from their experiences that I need to find gratitude in. I hope my feels make a little sense. I'm not as grand as Jeremy and expressing myself in writing.

Isaac AKA The Ice Man Logsdon

Isaac's striking resemblence to Chuck "The Ice Man" Liddel is probably no coincidence. Chuck Liddel has a mohawk also. He's a fighter in the UFC. If Isaac's future in candy taste-testing doesn't work out, then off to the UFC it'll be. He walks around in his underwear everyday, all day. He'll announce as he's coming down the stairs or if you ask him why he's not dressed, he'll tell you he's a boxer right now. He's had so much fun with his mohawk this week. Again, I don't know if he knows we're going to have to cut it for school on Monday. I think he's going to be upset. He's been asking me to get one "so we can be twins". He's always wanting to be twins with me. It's great.

While Mom Is Gone

There's an update on Jackson's blog (link on the right) of his surgery today.

Isaac's been asking for a mohawk for a while now, so while we were waiting on news about Jackson, we did it. It's a little off-centered, but he kept wanting to see it in the mirror and moving his head. He loves it. When school starts next week, I don't know if he'll let us shave it off.

Kayla wanted to post a picture of her birthday party. She had a Hanna Montana party.

Off to the Hospital

I just sent Chauntel and Jackson off to the hospital this morning. I'm not able to go due to a virus that I have come down with the last few days. I haven't been able to even get out of bed since Sat. night. The doctor told me yesterday to stay away from the baby and pretty much told me to not even go to the hospital to see him. I can't believe the timing of all of this. Chauntel has pretty much been a single mom for the last few days, and will stay with Jackson until he comes home. I wish so much that I could be there for him also. When he had his last surgery, we were both there - for Jackson and for each other. I was telling Chauntel again today how I felt like I was almost letting Jackson down but then said that I guess it's a blessing that I can be here for Makayla and Isaac during this also. After I said that, it really hit me how true that was. I'm feeling a lot better today, but it's relative to how I was the last few days.

As I was in bed yesterday really hating life at the moment, Isaac brought me a cup of milk that he got all by himself for me. I was asleep when he brought it, but when I woke up, he asked if the milk made me feel better. I told him that it did, so he smiles really big and runs out of the room. He comes back a minute later with his stuffed rhino that he sleeps with every night for me to lay down with. It broke my heart how much he was wanting to help me. He then came back with a stuffed frog and his favorite books, followed by his pirate ship filled with toys to play with and then a plate of his favorite rice that he got out of the fridge - he even put it on my favorite KY Wildcat plate. I told him again and again how much he was helping me feel better. Chauntel was gone all day yesterday with Jackson's pre-op appointments and so while I was in bed, Kayla and Isaac pretty much did as they pleased all day. I was so impressed with how good they were all day. They checked on me every 20 minutes or so, would get me water when I needed, and Makayla even came in to tell me that they had turned off the TV to do other things.

I think that from now on, the updates will be on Jackson's other blog that we thought he was finished with already. The link to his blog from his previous surgery is on this blog. www.jacksonsmellon.blogspot.com He goes into surgery at 7:30 this morning. Chauntel and him left at 5:15 to get there for his pre-surgery stuff. We thank everyone for their concern and support and will keep ya'll posted on his stay at the hospital.

Jeremy

On for Tuesday

Sorry I didn't post sooner. Jackson's surgeon thought it was fine to wait til Tuesday, for surgery. So tomorrow he has pre-op and Tuesday's the day.

We're all sick today, but poor Jeremy is so sick.(actually the kids aren't anymore or they're at the tails end of being sick) I hope Jeremy feels better by Tuesday. He's eating lots of chicken soup and oranges trying to feel better.

We stayed home from church today because we were sick, but Jackson and I were going to anyways to keep him health:) I dislike staying home from church so much. It is hard getting ready for church alone for 8:30 church, and sitting through sacrament alone is hard, but staying home on Sundays is so much harder than going. I don't know what it is, but keeping the kids entertained and the house clean all day is absolutely impossible. So at the end of the day the kids are so cranky and the house is a mess, both of which make mom cranky and very tired (so off to bed I go @ 8:15:) I love ya all.

A Little New News

Jackson went for his check-up yesterday, to get cleared for surgery. His pediatrician wanted to do some blood work (just in case) She's afraid he has immune problems or growth hormone problems, etc etc. So on Monday we'll get results from that, results from his gut biopsy, and his head gunk culture. That should be an interesting day. He ped. said that his white blood count is elevated (Rochelle you might understand what that means) His head is still swelling more, and he still has a fever. She was wanting us to go back to the E.R. last night. But after talking to Jeremy then the craniofacial surgeon (that's doing his surgery) They decided that we should go to see him today (Saturday) at 10:30. Then the surgeon will decided what to do. So we could go into surgery today.

We cut the babies hair last night to see his head better and so the doctor could see it better. he woke up today with his left eye also most swollen shut. I wish I could get our new camera to download picture so you all could see how horrible my little man looks:)

I think I'm pulling for surgery today. I feel the sooner the better. I love you all.

What a Joy Jackson is

Monday night we were sitting at the table trying to figure out how I could go to Houston with Jeremy and Jackson. Jackson had an appointment with his original surgeon, and I really wanted to be there. Up until then, we had been switching turns taking him and then having to relay messages. That is so hard to do. Unless of course you speak doctornees. So at 6:oo we decided to all go. And by 7:00pm we were all off to our great wonderful friends the Carter's home. Without them I wouldn't have been able to go. They even watched Makayla and Isaac while we went to the appointment. (Thank You)

I'm glad I went. We feel a lot better about the choice to have the doctors here in Dallas open him up again. He will be having surgery on Tuesday, November 20th. We tried so hard to still be able to go to KY for Thanksgiving. We are so very sad we won't be there. Everyone was going to be home this time, which I don't think has happened since Makayla was 6 months old. Since then, there are 6 more grand kids and one new spouse. It really would have been amazing.

Jackson has an infection. The lumps on his head (which are so big) are full of gunk. The one on top of his head got a red lump on it that popped the other day. I can't believe how much gunk came out. However much your imagining, triple that and you might have it right. It was so thick and yellow-green. I showed Isaac and told him Jackson had snot coming out of his head.

It's really crazy. All the doctors, three pediatricians, one nurse practitioner, two neurosurgeons, two craniofacial surgeons, and a handful of interns that we saw have never seen or heard of this happening, especially this far out from the surgery and this severely.

On Tuesday, they will open him up along the same cut (ear to ear) and flush his skull, scrub it and clean it really good, treat the infection and make sure everything else is O.K. That's it. I'm so glad they don't have to take his skull off again (we all thought they might have to at first) He'll be in intensive care one night and then maybe go home the next day. They said one maybe two nights. I hope only one. It's so hard being away from the other kids.

Oh yeah, Jackson also had an endoscope done on Monday. His G.I. said he doesn't have reflux and they are checking to see if he's allergic to gluten. I really hope he isn't. He also said he may have a eating disorder. Not like anorexia but towards textures. Which could be why he won't eat and why he gags and chokes on his food. Whatever that means I really don't know.

DADDY DOCTOR DATE

Jeremy is such a Super Dad. He took Jackson and Isaac (who were both tired from last night's adventures) to Jackson's 8:30 Dr. appointment. He had to leave at 7 to get there on time. At the appointment, the Doctor was upset that I hadn't gotten an endoscope done alot sooner and so they scheduled one for Monday. Then while he was there, Jackson's Pediatric Dr. called to see how our ER visit went. She got very upset that the ER didn't do more and let us go home. So she called Jeremy back with an appointment to the Crainofacial specialist at 11:30 at the same hospital they were at.

I had a Dr appointment, so after my appointment I headed straight over there. By the time I got there they were in the waiting room bundling up to leave:(

The Crainofacial Surgeon wants another CT scan done. The one they did at the ER wasn't good enough (I could have told them that, he was screaming and moving around the whole time, because they didn't want to put him under, probably because it would have been more work for them) He than said that it looks like a CSF leak. There could be a slight chance it's just irritation from the plates and screws. That's why they need the CT scan. If it is a leak, they're ready to operate ASAP. The big bummer is that none of the crainiofacial Surgeons in all of Dallas area are in our insurance network:( They seem to think that even if we tried to have the surgery done in Houston, because we've moved, it would be out of network also. So his Dumas (or skin of his brain) was probably punctured during surgery and fluid has been leaking since. Which makes sense why the helmet Dr. was so stumped, but it doesn't make sense why the surgeon didn't catch it at 6 months after surgery. Especially since he had fluid (which we thought was bone) coming out the top of his helmet.

We'll keep you posted. We're trying now to get someone to call us back to schedule a GOOD CT scan (GOOD idea) I should ask for a refund for last night!

I love you all

Halloween

We had so much fun on Halloween. (I left my camera at a friend so I'm waiting to develop the film from Halloween:( Makayla was Hanna Montana, Isaac was a green power ranger, and Jackson was superman. Jeremy had a halloween shirt on that said "I am the treat" and I was Hanna's bff Lola. I think Halloween is my most favorite time of the year. I just loved handing out candy (I maybe crazy, but that was my favorite part) I love opening the door and handing out candy. It was perfect weather here and the kids looked so cute. I had such a hard time doing this, but I threw away about 2/3 of the candy we had and have personal eaten about 1/8 of it myself already. I'll probably have to throw away the rest of it. I bought really great candy this year. It's almost unbarable to throw away almond joys and reese's PB cups. I almost cried. (Dr. Oz gives me the courage J/K)

ER!

Just a quick update. I took Jackson to his Ped. doctor and she and all the other docotors had never seen anything like Jackson's head. They had three guesses, of what could be wrong. All guesses sounded aweful. So they sent me to the E.R. We weren't able to get there until around 7 pm because of school letting out and finding someone to watch the kids. They did a CT scan and weren't able to find anything wrong. So they sent us home:( They told us to just to take our CT film with us to Houston next week. I'm a little bummed that they don't know what to think. So now I guess we wait. Jeremy is at Jackson GI appointment right now so hopeful that appointment is more fruitful.

PS you can't really tell by the pictures how bad his head looks. but it's pretty yucky. If you look on his temple you can see a little swelling. That was taken a few days ago. It's gotten a little bigger since than.

Gratitude

What an amazing head Jackson has. It's been through so much. As you see from the pictures, the doctors did such a great job on his head. (jury is still out on the helmet doctor)

We've been so worried about his health lately that I didn't notice that something was wrong with his head. I thought everything was over and done with. Jeremy and I had been noticing more and more lumps on his head. But we just thought we were noticing things that had been there all along, but were just now noticing. Until last week. His head is swelling on top, fore head, and his left temple. The top of his head is red now and with all of his long hair it was hard to see. Which was the point of his long hair to start with. The hard part is that his doctor is in Houston and when you call you have to leave messages. He has a GI appointment that I've been waiting for 6 week to go to. The kids have school and Jeremy has work. Of course we can work around all of that. It just means asking friends for help. I'm so worried, I hope the Doctor calls us back tomorrow and can get us in Wednesday. (Jackson has had a low grade fever for 3 or 4 weeks, but he's cutting two teeth, so who knows what to think with his diarhea, fever, swelling, and crankiness)

I hope everyone knows that my worries and heartaches are not the for lack of gratitude for what the Lord has given me or lack of faith that the Lord is all knowing and loves me and all of you.

Our lesson on Sunday was on Gratitude. I pose a question for all that read this blog. Is there a difference in having gratitude in our trials and gratitude for our trials? and is it required of us to have both? I will be waiting for all your posts. I will have to admit, I have a very hard time understanding gratitude for trials. My answer to my own question will have to wait till I've done more studying and pondering.