Grandma Schultz's Mind Tricks

So I got a gift card from Grandma Schultz in the mail yesterday for my birthday to Wal Mart. I was excited and thought it was really nice of her to do that. But as I got to looking at it, there was nowhere written anywhere an amount of how much the gift card was worth which got me to thinking. I could go and get a bunch of stuff according to how much I feel like she would put on it based on how much I feel that she loves me and hope that it covered it, or get some gum and see if it would cover that.

As I got to thinking, I kind of came up with a Grandma Schultz love-o-meter. I figured that they just came down for a visit recently and how well she felt I was doing as a husband to her daughter and father to her Grand kids would probably have a lot to do with how much she actually put on the card.

I figured that the $0-$5 range was probably letting me know that I needed to step it up. Perhaps she saw me at a time of frustration when I didn't know she was watching, or maybe one of the kids told her something really mean about me that I don't know about yet that will fester inside Grandma and come to a boiling point each time I answer the phone when she calls, or when she thinks of her poor daughter all by herself in Texas with her incompitent husband.

The $5-$10 range sends a pretty good message as well. It's not that she thinks that I'm a total loss with this amount, but perhaps only being able to buy socks or some replacement air filters helps me understand that Grandma's love isn't that easily won over. Each of her daughters are absolute prizes to their spouses (or future spouses) and if we expect much from Grandma, we MUST show to not only our wives, but also to everyone else(including Grandma Schultz) that we understand the value that we've received and that we WILL NOT take them for granted.

The $10-$15 card starts to get interesting. This is CD or DVD money now. It's not, however, new release CD or DVD money. It's kind of that 2nd tier, old release shelf that I have now become an immediate candidate for. The titles such as Big, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights all become a very real possibility to me now. The messae that this sends is clear as well: Perhaps I am just that - 2nd tier in Grandma's eyes. If maybe we lived closer or if I wouldn't have taught Isaac to have people pull his finger to get a surprise, I may have been able to be elevated to tier 1 status.

The $15-$20 card sends a very clear, loud message. This is now an amount of money that I can buy a full outfit on the clearance rack or maybe even head and wrist bands with the Dallas Mavericks logo on them and a Mavericks shirt (on clearance of course) with perhaps enough left over to go ahead and get an Icee on my way out that I've never been able to get before. If this card is for $15+, I've got it made. I surely am one of (if not the absolute) favorite on the Schultz side. $15-$20 can even clear tax on what I'd need for washing and waxing needs for my bike and van. It's enough as well to get a new garden hose (a good one) with a nice sprayer on the end. The $15-$20 card is really exciting; it surely helps you think big when those automatic doors open and you wonder what isle you should go down first. I feel like at this amount, I finally have Grandma Schultz's approval.

We'll see maybe tomorrow or Monday where I fall on Grandma Schultz's love-o-meter. Wish me luck.

At least now I'll know exactly where I stand with Grandma.